The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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