Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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