I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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