I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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