why didn't you poke me back
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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