so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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