Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize