Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
