There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
