Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
