Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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