I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
is wine microwaveable?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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