Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
