the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
