I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
