he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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