she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
