mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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