sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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