return my video game
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
