I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
