was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize