i think my tv is drunk
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
