you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
