dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
