"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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