You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
