He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
