It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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