sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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