I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
