Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
