He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
