he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I have already put on my inside pants.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
