This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize