Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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