He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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