Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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