I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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