She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
