I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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