I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize