No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
