If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The adults are the big ones right?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
