I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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