I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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