No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize