currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize