it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
