You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize