Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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