I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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