In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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