Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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