i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
