where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
