I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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