I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
In other news, I just burned my penis
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
