Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
