Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You're like the curious george of whores
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
