So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
