i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
