We're facebook friends in real life
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize