so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
