Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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