i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
