I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
