Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
