This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
