His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize