her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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