my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
