i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
