Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
