I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
