please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
