Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
