First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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