I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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