My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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