In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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